Short Road

Dec, 3 /10 .0300 PST. The Song of The Day Is: “Angel” by Ritchie Havens. ( give it a listen , it’s beautiful) I started to have difficulty swallowing a few hours ago. This was accompanied with bouts of choking. If I have to stop eating , I will be dead fairly quickly. I notice my behaviour . I am writhing .My hands shake , I twitch . My mouth droops . Put this all together and boy do I look stupid. I found new lumps last week , Doctors were seen and CT scans were done . The pains and symptoms are escalating daily. My heart rate has been over 100 beats per min, for well over a week now . The ways that the cancers that are invading and assaulting my body are numerous and would require too much energy to describe them. It has been a long , long , long time that the effects of the cancer have been severe. It has been a long , long time that I have been reduced to begging. It has been along, long time that I have been without a vehicle. Although I like where I am , I feel like a prisoner not having transportation. This makes my world tortuously small. No one should have to feel this way during their last days. My time is and has been short. Days and weeks have been wasted just waiting to get around. C’est la vie!!!!. I had got my hopes up that I might get some relief from radiation therapy. Yesterday I was informed that I would not be getting anymore radiation therapy. I cannot help but think that if I was the “Premier” that more therapy would be available for me. I am probably right. I have been on the painful ugly road towards death. I have endured assault upon assault on my body. Right from the first cycle of chemo , no therapy other than the radiation treatment I received about a year and ½ ago has worked. I tried hard and suffered for it. It is no ones fault , but disappointment piled upon disappointment has worn me . The road towards death that is left to travel is short now . It is ugly and is getting uglier by the day. My bucket list remains without any lines crossed off. Cest La Vie. My goal now is to try to get through the day. Remind myself that there is still room for me to be grateful . Maybe I can still leave something good behind when I go soon. Bye