Maybe Now

Dec. 2 /10 The Song OF The Day Is: “To Close/On my Way To Heaven” BY Mavis Staples The pain has escalated to the point that I will soon have to pack it in. Pain meds do not work. I tried to express to people as to how quickly things were going to deteriorate. No one has been or is capable of this concept . Nor does anyone seem capable of grasping how tenuous my grip on life is. No one is anyone stepping up to help to the degree that is necessary. I am on the verge of unconsciousness from the pain meds. The meds provide little relief while the pains prevent me from getting any rest. My oncologist is in the process of scheduling emergency radiation treatment in an attempt to provide some relief. I sit or pace . Lying down is impossible. While I try to write I sit here and shake. My head in my hand . I pass out from exhaustion . My head hits my desk . My head hitting the desk and the pains awaken me .Then I type a few words. All the time my pulse is racing. It is in this state that I have to try to raise funds , book a flight , find accommodation etc . etc. … I am living by the minute . I just went through all of this a few weeks ago., This is the spot where I might just die. I might just die very soon . Slumped over this keyboard. I always knew that I was going to die alone while in pain . I am done begging for the help . It is just too hard . Maybe this is a good time to die. The Song That Is On My Mind Now Is:  "Starry Starry Night" BY Don Mclean