Too Tired

Nov.22 /10 . The Song Of The Day Is. “It’s All Over Now Baby Blue” by Bob Dylan The fatigue is just “too much” this morning to write much. I get a headache and become dizzy when I try to concentrate. I can sense the effort required to move my fingers over my computer keyboard. I can sense the energy that is required to depress the keyboard keys. Maybe Tomorrow I just realized that I have been sitting in front of the blank monitor screen for more than 25 minutes , totally oblivious to my surroundings , even the air that is around me. I’ll have to say good bye. Nov . 22 /10 0353 PST I try , I try and then I try some more to concentrate on something other than the ill effects that I am feeling from my cancers . But it is like trying to sleep while you are staring at the sun. It has been over 2 years now since the doctors told me that without urgent chemotherapy that I would be dead within a few weeks. Since then I have struggled to stay alive . There has not been one day since then that I have not had to run the gauntlet of the cancers assaults . There has not been one day since then that I have felt comfortable ( broken bones , large burns , torture , I have experienced all three ,  these experinces were not as intense).When I was healthy I could not even imagine the intensity of discomfort that I have experienced for many, many days since that day over two years ago. Since then there has been many , many times that I have had near death experiences since that day over two years ago. I am trying with every fibre in my body , I am trying with all my heart and am straining my soul to do get into the positive. I am trying with every bit of energy that I can muster to continue fighting the cancers. I wrack my brain daily trying figure out how to get the necessary means to do some livin. My whole body and my mind reacts like that muscle that starts to quiver and shake when being subjected to too much strain . I sit here now , my body and mind has just had enough , I sit here now , my whole body quivering. It has been over a year now that other than a few brief outings and a few short walks (99% of them trips to the hospital) that I have not been surrounded by these four walls physically hurting and left to contemplate my upcoming death. What you are reading has been my only outlet to communicate my situation so that I do not have to hold everything inside. If anyone else was here it would be embarrassing as I sit here breaking down and quivering. Obviously no one is going to step up to the plate and help to the degree that will alleviate the stress of the struggle. Maybe that is as it should be. Just Quivering ! What a waste of the last precious moments! Bye