"If I Were A Betting Man"

Nov. 25/ 10 O500 PST The Song Of The Day is : “To Close” by Mavis Staples The Cancer: The cancer in my lymphatic system and the cancer in my lung seem to be having a competition . Both cancers are intent on ending my life , each one attacking different parts of my body. As the saying goes “if I was a betting man” , my money would be on the cancer in my lymphatic system will be the one that will force me to draw my last breath. Prior  to my last radiation treatments . I was stunned at the how quickly the cancer in my lymphatic system debilitated me .  I went from being able to function relatively !well , to barely being able to breath , swallow ,lay down and writhing in pain within a matter of days. The neuropathic pains attack all parts of my body , the latest new assault in the groin area started last night , continues on today . Hell , the pains are everywhere. My body feels like it has been poisoned , a result of the cancer spewing toxins into my body , I assume . There are drugs , and I do take a powerful narcotic for the pains. I try to minimize my intake . I am trying to stay as lucid as possible. The cancers will debilitate my mind also soon enough. The pills “ numb” and provide some comfort , but the discomfort and pains are still there. God or the devil keep prodding. I find a bit of comfort , or rather I should say less discomfort , when I am standing or pacing . I am grateful that I still can. In the past lying down at all was impossible. If the cancers affect me the same way again , I do not think that I have enough strength to handle not being able to lay down for days and weeks. Again , I am not whining , just documenting. Writing down what my body and mind are going through while dieing provides me with a bit of a release. Cancer affects so many peoples lives . Here is a first person account about what it is like to actually be dieing from cancer .The doctors are now aware that I am sliding downhill quickly and are responding accordingly. Tests are pending to determine the extent and exact locations of the cancers. The tumours in my lung can not be radiated anymore but apparently other parts of my body might be able to withstand some more radiation . The radiation therapy does work in reducing the size of the tumours. If my body does not “kick in” and slow the advancing cancers in my body , I am doubtful if I will ,or can last much longer. I will try , but there are moments when I come close to giving up. It has been a long , long haul. What is good . The fact that I am still able to pace , my legs ,arms , speech and sight are still intact , although I do move a bit funny and my speech is off sometimes. I am lucid for the most part. If I get the pain medication just right , if for awhile my body cooperates ,if I concentrate on overcoming the discomfort , I can have a few good hours . Today , the new pain in the lower part of my body keeps jabbing at me and makes me flinch. I have been up for 6 hours now. I will try to put on “the smiley face” for awhile. Even if it is just for someone else’s benefit , it still brings me some joy. Bye