If I was a Dog?

Nov. 8 / 10 If I was a dog? Do not mistake and categorize what I am saying as a complaint. This is just the way things are . I hope that this might be helpful for anyone that deals with or knows a terminally ill person. Writing here also saves me from talking to the walls. Movement is as important as urgent doctors visits ,drugs and nourishment. A person cannot just lay and rot. The furniture is pushed up against the walls . I walk around in circles in my apt. to keep the blood moving and prevent blood clots from forming due to inactivity. I would like to walk outside ,but the weather for the most part has been inclement and I am afraid of “getting stuck” . ( “getting stuck” : I walk for awhile then suddenly I can not go any further). I am exhausted and feel like I am going to topple over, so I end up having to wait till my energy returns. This can present problems and can be embarrassing . So I walk around in circles in a small apt.) I have not been able to make it down to the beach for quite awhile now. “Getting stuck when the tide is coming in or just before an incoming storm (gale force winds here come frequently) could be a problem. The fresh air and sunshine would be nice though. Prior up until about 60 days ago , I was able to get outside for a walk otherwise It has well over a year now that I have been in this situation . The majority of my time is spent with four walls the cancer and me. A treadmill and/or company would be humane. I can’t help but think about The movie “Midnight Express” while I walk around in circles. I am grateful that I can still walk , and even walking in circles , although I feel a bit stupid , helps my body cope and improves my mood. The cancer requires constant attention. Again , diet is as important as chemotherapy , radiation therapy and doctors care. Want to kill a cancer patient quick ? Then put them in a institutional setting. Being without the foodstuffs and supplements for even a brief period of time and the body quickly starts to suffer. I t has been a long ,long time with these four walls ,the cancer and me. I imagine that many elderly people are left in this situation also. I can’t help but think, Gee if you had a dog , you would at least make sure that he had a full bowl of food and take him/her out for a walk once in awhile. Then there is the mental stimulus aspect that is required . The terminally ill person is not dead yet . For those moments that one can do something , gears have to be shifted quickly. Whatever is required , transport , materials for any project that is being undertaken has to be available as the moments that a terminally ill person has when thing can be done can be brief . I have found that peoples intentions are good , but unfortunately one cannot live of off intentions. Where I now stand . I just had painful and extremely uncomfortable near death experience that lasted for weeks . I’m not out of the woods yet. The pain has subsided since I had the radiation treatment. The respite may be brief. I and am going to die a painful horrible death very soon . I have learned to keep my spirits up throughout most of the direst of circumstances , but at times I get a little worn. For the most part I have been and will be dieing alone. I will be burying my own dead. My death will not be a good one , but I will die with some dignity. Maybe Today. The Song Of The Day Is : “Heart Of Gold” by Neil Young (5 bucks)