Nov. 23 /10 The Song Of The Day is : “Ramble On” by Led Zeppelin One more month and it will be the day before Christmas eve . People are already talking about gifts and their finances. I have always noticed that people start to stress right about now. The stress levels hitting a full crescendo by the 23rd or 24th of December. Corporations have already started to bombard the airways and streets with the propaganda that you need what they are selling to make your life complete. This year I hope that things will be different. I hope that the people that I know ,and everyone for that matter , truly find peace within themselves and share that peace with each other. I am very grateful for any attempts that anyone has made to help me through this period of my life where I cannot help myself. If I get realistic . It has been over a year now that my company for the most part has been 4 walls , myself , the cruel effects that I experience from the cancer and the necessary trips to the hospital. It has been over a tear now since I have been told that I was a burden . It has been over a year now since I have accepted the fact that when people say that they are willing to help you through the tough times that it is mainly lip service . I have waited weeks to get a quart of milk , waited months for necessary health products that (which by doing without I suffer) people have promised to pick up but never do arrive. I don’t understand why people would make promises to terminally ill people and the just leave them waiting. I guess even a broken promise is better than nothing, although the result is the same. It has been over a year now since , during a time that I was hanging on to life by my fingernails , that I was told how lucky I was because I did not have to go to work. (being able to do hard labour for 12 hours a day would feel like a vacation compared to what I go through on a daily basis). It has been over a year now that people have dropped by , emotionally distraught , visibly upset and tell me with gusto how dire their lives are .Things like , “My spouse is not communicating in the fashion that I want them too.” “Oh , I might have to sell one of my many vehicles to maintain my opulent lifestyle.” Meanwhile I am wondering how do I get to doctors appts. . ?(I have been dropped off and stranded in town before ,I’ve had to do without medications) . How do I get the necessities of life ? How do I make it through the day? I listen attentively as I try to hang on to living itself. On the bright side , I have little time to think about dying while being stressed out each day in this way. I have always maintained that no one is obligated to make another person’s life more bearable. Any help above zero ,is help just the same , and is always appreciated . Telling a dying person that you can count on them , then just abandoning them is not right. What confuses me though is , why would anyone promise to help someone that is suffering and dying , and then do nothing . Aside from the wasted precious time , I am left to stress and scramble as to how to get things done. My four walls , the cancers and me. People must feel better about themselves if hear themselves offer to help. Don’t get me wrong , I am very grateful for any assistance and company that has come my way . The reality is though , that the broken promises far outnumber the one’s that are kept. This is nothing new to me . I have learned a long time ago that what people say and what they do are usually two different things. The psychological effect of this upon the dying person is that they feel like they are left to rot while waiting to die. All is not bad , I will wring some good out of today , I could even die today. I am alone , this presents some difficulty in gauging how quickly I am slipping away. I only know that it is dam quick. One more month and it will be the day before Christmas eve . I will not be alive this coming Christmas eve. . I pray that there is not too much suffering from now until then . You must go on ., for me life will be over. BYE ( 5$ for my bucket list , no one has done it yet . )
No comments:
Post a Comment