Drugs,Drugs, Drugs

Thurs. Oct.7/10 The Song Of The Day Is “Miles From Nowhere” by Cat Stevens . 0530 Unfortunately I am living from one pill to the next. Fearful of the chemical haze that accompanies the effects of the pain killers . “Ox condone” A drug that was invented to take the place of heroin and morphine without the side effects. If one reads the research on this drug one realizes , that drug companies admit that they failed in achieving this . I imagine that the real thing doesn’t put the money in the right pockets. One does think however that they might have tried to eliminate the adverse side effects some time between 1916 and now. The cancer is now spreading quickly throughout my body. The cancer has become resistant to the chemo drugs and the cancer agency still has not given me a definite answer on whether or not I will be receiving more radiation treatment. Although the cancer has now doubled in size since my consultation on Sept. 7/10. I wanted to try an alternative therapy (Oleander extract). The extract works along the same lines as the chemotherapy. The extract is less expensive , less toxic and less dangerous than the chemotherapy drugs like etoposide ,cisplatin etc.. Since using this type of therapy puts the money into the wrong pockets,the extract so far has been unattainable and I am out of time. The gov’t and the drug companies just like the “CRACK DEALERS” on the street corners in the slums do not want anyone else sharing in their profits. The Gov’ts and drug companies are brutal and malicious in protecting their turf when it comes down to profits from the sale of their drugs. Gov't and pharmacutical companies are much more brutal than the bikers and the gangs that are also involved in trafficking. Just as lax in caring whether or not the drugs provide the effects that they are supposed to and just as lax as to whether or not the drugs are safe. As long as they get their money ,they have no concern whether the person gets any benefits from the drugs or dies from the drugs. It has been about 18 days now without any real rest at all. The only way that I can get any sleep according to our health care system is to chemically induce unconsciousness. I am going to include my notes that I provide for the “Home-care” service . Again their job is to oversee the administration of “DRUGS”. They are decent caring people . Unfortunately most of their training and objective revolves around pushing “DRUGS” that are supplied by dope dealers such as “Bayer ,Pfizer ,Abbot, Eli Lilly , Bristol -Meyers Squib, Merck etc. etc. . One has to remember that these companies have absolutely no concern for ones health. If they could get away with selling snake oil for profit they would. Regardless of how many people would be killed. Hell, drugs that they sell kill thousands every year and continue to sell products that they know kill people so that they can profit for as long as possible until the killing becomes too noticeable . Then they say “oops” , pull the product and “lawyer to death” anyone seeking any judgement and block all avenues that might provide the victims some recourse. I am grateful for all the people that I have met within our health-care system . Most are dedicated caring people. Health care has run amok however. Until the number one priority of our health care system is healing people ,we will continue receiving substandard and murderous medical care. Our gov’ts goal right now as far as our health care system is concerned is to generate as much profit as possible for the pharmaceutical companies. It is same malicious path that the gov’t has taken towards our service men and women. The Gov’t neither gives a dam about our sons and daughters dying oversees , and as to how they are looked after when they return home. I guarantee you there are gov’t officials and representatives that spend more money on an evening out with arms manufactures than they do looking after any one of our wounded sons or daughters after they come home from fighting a battle that is being waged to provide power and mega profits for a few. Gov’t officials have a total lack of respect for our forces. Ah ! But I digress. The hypocrisy of the way our society functions is maddening . There is some good in each individual (with the exception of politicians and cops , they have been brainwashed beyond repair into thinking that they actually have some moral ground to stand on) but generally we are greedy , selfish , murderous creatures . For some reason it takes a lot of effort to be honest , compassionate and caring towards other human beings and the world around us. Up until awhile ago I would try to do something unselfish and nice for someone each day. Maybe that is part of the reason that I am so frustrated right now. The dam drugs and the pain have me living by the hour . My only concern is to get some relief. If I manage to get past that for a bit my thoughts become consumed by “this torturous dying process”. The frustration comes from my inability to give anything back to our collective existence. Maybe Tomorrow? As I wrote earlier I am going to include some of the notes that I give to the “Home-care” workers. There are also charts that must be kept as to what medications are taken and when they are taken. I am not whining . I trying to show what consumes the few hours a day that are available to a person that will be dead soon from cancer. Knowing that I could die at any minute or any day soon also weights a bit on my mind. Not as much as one would think though ,as the time is consumed by dealing the symptoms caused by the tumours growing inside my body and the toxins that they constantly spew into me. Maybe somehow I can put a smile on my face today ? Maybe I’ll die today? Either one might make it a good day. Still trying to keep stroking ,slowly at best. Medications: Oct . 6 /10 first day on oxycodone Highlighted Oct .6 /10 1800 - at 1930 tried to lay down in new hospital bed , pain in right side 6/10 - **** pains 7/10 in liver area , there is NO increased pain when I palpate the liver area - face is flushed ,temp. 36.2 C - pain increases when I eat , especially in the area under the liver 2130 Tried to lay down , pain is to much in liver area and right shoulder and right side -I had some “boost” I am experiencing the pain after I ingest something Thurs. Sept 17 0320 -had to get up and out of bed (discomfort) 0330- took one oxycodone , o500 - been dizzy shaky , disorientated and not really functioning , I seem to be able to tolerate the pain for a bit but there is still pain there , side effects from the dope makes it difficult moving around and it is difficult functioning, I am sitting up and rocking. ( I don’t expect much more fro m a drug that was invented in 1916) - I don’t have the guts yet to try the methadone , I know that it is more addictive and has more adverse side effects than either morphine or heroin, Because of this opiate I am unable to move around and do any blight exercises , this means that I will have difficulty with bowel movements . Laxatives (senokot) presents serious discomfort for me and they do not always work . When I lay down the pains in my right side become severe but it is better than writhing in pain. The discomfort and pain in the area beneath my liver , I attribute to the medications and this pain has eclipsed the pains in the rest of my right side, Eating cause more discomfort in this area now. For brief moments I feel like I am going to fall off my chair , again I am pretty sure that this is an effect from the drugs that I am experiencing . Gonna try to get some sleep as soon as I feel confident enough to stand up.