SUMMERTIME

Aug. 13 / 10 0530 PDT The whine. The sky is still dark and the air is cold. As far as I am concerned the last summer of my life is over. Here on the N. Island it is unlikely that there will be anymore warm nights where one could lay outside and gaze at the stars in the summer sky. I gritted my teeth and went through 7 months of chemotherapy with the hopes that the symptoms of my cancer would abate long enough to accomplish a few last wishes. The symptoms were held back and did become bearable for a bit , but nothing else fell into place. I couldn’t get through the last cycle of chemotherapy being in the situation that I was in. Like I said in a previous post “Manana Manana” just doesn’t work for me . When a window of opportunity opens up and I am capable of doing something , if I miss taking advantage of the moment , for whatever reason , the opportunity for me is lost forever. At least in this lifetime. Things that did not get done. Hell , I could not even get my bicycle fixed . “Hell or high water” I was going to mpush myself and go for one more ride along the ocean highway. I wanted to get into town and buy two blue “T” shirts . I was hoping to try alternative homeopathic cancer therapies , supplements to keep the cancer from metastasizing. I have travelled extensively and was wishing to complete my travells by making it out to the West Coast of the Island ( I have never been and I am so close) during the summer before I die soon. That is not going to happen now. I would have liked to a have been able to just get into a vehicle first thing in the morning , and drive , looking for vistas to photograph. I would have liked to made it out on a small watercraft the ¼ mile out into the ocean to say hello to the sea lions that have kept me company during this last year while I sat outside with my morning coffee. I would have liked to have been able to do a **** of **** off of a ******* ass and eat *** ***** before I die. It may seem selfish , but I have worked hard during my lifetime , and have worked harder than any healthy person can even imagine to stay alive , and I will be dead soon. I do not think that I am that far out of line to wish for a few simple pleasures before I die. Those are a few of the things that were on my short bucket list that I will never get too do now. I definitely will not be alive next summer. Four walls , a roof and a blank computer screen and hospital visits will now be the way I spend my last days. Hell , that’s the way I have been spending the last year and more. The walls keep closing in and the big black dog keeps nipping at my heels. Yesterday is gone and being this close to death there is little time to waste on being bitter. My last summer is gone!!!! I still have memories from my past . I did make it out last night and in no time at all I observed three falling stars. I made three wishes , two for you and one selfish one for me. The night sky was gorgeous , and for that I am grateful , as I still am for the experiences that life on this planet have given me. The Song For The Moment Is; “In The Summertime” By Mungo Jerry Just a “flitty” fun summer song I will always remember the smell of suntan lotion on a woman’s skin. Bye for now , see ya on the other side