Que Sera Sera

Aug. 23 /10 The Song Of the Day Is “Carrie” By Joni Mitchell 0500 The night air is cool on the skin. The high clouds shimmer in the glow of the almost full moon in the night sky. The clouds look as if they are up there next to the moon traversing the heavens. There is always a refreshing feeling in the air when the fall announces it’s arrival. Traditionally , soon the crops would be being harvested and the bears will soon be feeding on the multitude of salmon returning to the rivers. There must be part of our psyche that has been shaped by mans observance of seasons cycles for as long as there has been memory. We sense the upcoming time of plenty in what I call our “primeval bone”. I can sense that rejuvenating feeling when I sense that “fall is in the air” For me there is also a sense of sadness also. I recall when the song “Carrie” could be heard over the airwaves on a regular basis. Listening to it now brings back memories . Hot summer nights , knocking back shots of tequila with the seemingly lost draft dodgers that were constantly making their appearance. Trying to make them feel welcome. Tuned guitars and campfires on the beach. Swimming naked while the moon shimmered on the waters surface , and of course , the lingering fragrance of suntan lotion , soft on a woman ‘s skin. The warmth her body next to my skin. I did get my wish to live to see the summer , but I did not get my wish to “live” the summer. My last summer is now over. Chemo , cancer and practical matters prevented me from enjoying the summer the way that I wished for. I did find moments of joy , although I did have to search for them. “Que Sera Sera” today is another day to be thankful for. Another day to get on with this business of living and dying. The Cancer: I can fell the presence of the tumour all of the time now . Laying on my back or on my right side is painful and uncomfortable. My body reacts to the growing tumour by trying to cough it out as the tumour is starting to obstruct my airway. When I cough , pain wracks the right side of my body. Swallowing is becoming difficult , while eating I have to concentrate so that I do not choke. Aside from some spastic movements ,and sporadic hair growth I appear otherwise healthy. The paleness of my face will become apparent as my skin will soon lose it’s tan. It is getting too cool for me to spend much time outside . The wind blows cool off the ocean early in the fall here. The cancer and these four walls will be closing in quickly now. I will keep stroking for as long as I can. However that does raise conundrum of people getting tired of someone that takes too long to die. Bye For Now , See Ya On The Other Side ,