Purpose and Acceptance

Tues. Aug. 3 /10 The Song Of The Day Is: “ That’s No Way To Say Goodbye” by Leonard Cohen 0338 PDT Purpose and acceptance. Two aspects of life that bind us all. Purpose to justify our existence. Acceptance to let us know that we are not straying to far into the unknown. For the majority of us , purpose is providing ourselves with decent food, comfortable shelter and whether we like to admit it or not , social standing. The artist that swears by his/her non-conformity and independent thought beams uncontrollably when accepting an award . Finding comfort within the folds of the “non-conformist” community. From the smallest circle of people to the worldwide community . The individual strives to find like minded individuals . Persons in a neighbourhoods desire like minded neighbours. Religions attempt to convert. Countries try to persuade other countries to adopt their values. While striving for acceptance the line between civility and anarchy always seems to get crossed. The main motivation for crossing this line after survival is greed. The pickpocket steals to get what he/she wants. , the religious elite and the politicians plunder and murder ,or rather I should say send the sons and daughters of the lower classes to plunder and murder for them. The bloody religious wars of the past , the one presently raging ,and the countless invasions of one country upon another easily bear this out. It is obvious that there is no moral compass guiding most organized religions , and certainly not the organizations governing us. Purpose and acceptance ? What would you do if you knew that you only had a short time to live? I am sure that this question has crossed every healthy persons mind at one time or another. I am sure that it has even been the topic of discussion at one time or another. What would you do if you knew that you only had a short time to live and were physically suffering most of the time ? All the rules and inhibitions could be discarded. There are no consequences that could be brought on by anyone or any organization that could be much worse than what is already being experienced. So you die a few days earlier. There is not much worse pain that could be inflicted that you already have not already endured and will endure. What would you do if you knew that you only had a short time to live , were physically suffering most of the time and barely had the means to survive? One would think , hell, one would do anything he/she wants. Well , I am in that position where the only consequences of my actions that I am concerned about are the ones that I bring upon myself. So I’ll tell you what goes though my mind in that situation. The personal moral compass that I believe exists in all of us becomes prevalent and guides. Disgust of my fellow human beings actions towards one another is tempered by my concern for the suffering of my fellow human beings. Being this close to death the rules of morality that I establish for myself , for some reason? are of a higher calibre and nowhere near as hypocritical as the laws of the land and religious doctrines. I become humble and awestruck at the wonders that surround me. A bit frightened about my upcoming journey to the other side , but curious also. I still have a narcissistic streak in me that is harmless and pleasurable to someone else. The internal moral compass remains true. The Song For The Moment Is : “Someone Like You” by Van Morrison Since I have to scramble to survive I am posting the open letter again. Maybe someone from the Union or Great West Life will read it and it will inspire them to put a persons life higher on their priority list than a little bit of paperwork. An Open Letter to the Trustees Union ( Local 500 I.L.W.U.) that has control of my death benefits. Release the funds so that I can spend the last few weeks of my life with some sense of independence and die with some dignity. All that has to be done is sign the paper. It cost the Union nothing. It would change how I live my last days out for the better immensely and means nothing to Great West Life as the funds are already allocated. The cheque is going to be issued soon any ways.Great West Life doesn’t care if the small amount of funds is released now or in a few weeks. Let a person living use the funds and maintain some security and dignity during their last days instead of throwing the funds into a hole in the ground. The Cancer: Today suffice it to say that the cancer in me is doing well as I am not. The rising sun now beckons me. My body is hardy ever warm. I’m going to make it outside and warm my bones . Bye For Now See Ya On The Other Side. Tues Aug. 3/10 1100 PDT The Cancer : The fatigue that I experience is almost unbearable. I constantly feel as if I have just ran a marathon while I have a bad flu. I have to overcome the weariness before I do the simplest of tasks. For over 2 years now . The tiredness is constant and has been ever present. The severity is increasing rapidly. The only way to get going is to try to ignore the feeling and keep pushing on. I did make it outside . And ! The birds must know something that the meteorologists do not. Different species of seabirds are now arriving and appear to be flocking. And it is only the beginning of Aug. . Other species make an appearance also. Small pure white gulls with black heads circle then land. All of them facing the same direction , they bob gently on the slow undulating swells of the oceans surface. A “V” formation of Canada geese graced the sky earlier , piloting in a southerly direction. Sparrows do their nervous sky dance , all in unison while killdeer strut the beach , poking amongst the rocks. Different species of birds arrive at different times of the day and put on a show. I have the view all to myself most of the time as there is usually no or little traffic on the beach. This is peaceful . However ( The male that I am) it would be nice to see the women sunbathing. That would take me back to memories of the fragrance of bronze tan on a woman's skin. The splashing and laughter of people whose only intention is enjoy themselves and the company of others . At night , tuned guitars , campfires in the sand ,a pot of crab and oysters cooking on an open fire . a million of stars sparkling in the sky. The lingering perfume of suntan lotion on skin from a woman close by. Memories are another form of escape for me . I try to put my body aside and drift. Sometimes I am not successful , sometimes , for awhile , I am.