Only Human

Aug; 13 /10 1230 PDT The Song Of The Day Is: “I’ll Take You There” By The Staple Singers The Cancer: My health slides downhill and I slip away day by day . As I spend most of my time alone I don’t notice the changes in my body and behaviour until they become glaring malfunctions. I get frustrated at my inability to get through a day in a normal fashion. Communication is getting difficult also. I know that I could die at any minute and that I will be dead soon. Obviously my priorities and mindset are of a different nature than they were when there were tomorrows to consider. The DR’s and the few people that I do know started wondering why I was still alive long ago. Little do the know , and I do not expect them to understand that I am only alive for brief moments each day or night. The rest of the time is spent hanging onto life with the tips of my fingernails. No one sees the hours of mental and physical preparation that it takes to get through some of the simplest tasks. Healthy people can only take being around the terminally ill for brief periods. This is probably as it should be. I know that it can drag people down watching someone die slowly. It does get to the point of neglect sometimes . That is only human as far as I am concerned . People , and myself want “do some livin” rather than spend time with someone whose constant companion is the guy in the black coat carrying the scythe. I know that it is not nice to fool people . I have to admit that I derive some pleasure when I manage to mask the boiling cauldron inside and fool people into thinking that I am healthy. At least I think that I do sometimes , maybe they are just being kind. The Perseid Meteor shower is peaking tonight between 0200 and 0400 PDT. I am going to try to get out , watch the night sky , make a wish on a falling star. I wish everyone well !!!!!!!! Bye for Now See Ya on the Other side. . .. I AM GUEST / At this horizon that opens welcoming / generous / as I recall the eyes that shined and opened / wider than all the sky / with all the lands vibrancy / the seas power and the rivers soul / in the places open , graced with power / in the knowing accepting heart / you led this guest into the living forests of time / where I found strength in a humble solid stance / I walk slowly past the places where the old bones rest / the weight of the fragrance of the sea / slowing my footsteps to respectfully linger / I stood open at your grand fathers spot , open to the flow / accepting the responsibility of what I yet not know / my promise kept / I put the offer in the rivers flow / through my hand your grandfather lit the offer / as has been done many , many times before / all must come , all must go / as I leave for the journey that never ends / people feel the presence within / feel the gaze that casts the bond / into the heart and beyond . Azab