Bits And Pieces

Mon. Aug. 9 /10 The Song Of The Day Is : “Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying” As performed by Riki Lee Jones 1221 PDT I woke up . For the moment I did not feel to bad . So I made a coffee , and ran with the feeling . Hoping that it would last for more than a few minutes. When one’s own body becomes one’s enemy one forgets who they are. We define ourselves by remembering what we have done and by what we are planning to do . ( mind you we usually look at ourselves through rose coloured glasses and quite often see ourselves in the light of our intentions rather than the way we really are) For me to overcome the discomfort and symptoms of my disease I find that my concentration is focused on the present and very near future. Think back to when you were very ill. You think in the moment , wondering how long your present malady will last and how you could make the immediate discomfort go away. Your mind does not easily reminisce about more pleasant past experiences , nor does it let you plan for the future , however brief that that future will be. Since the ill effects of my cancer are constant ,this insidious disease not only wracks the body but also presents obstacles in the way of my thought processes. A kind of amnesia sets in when one has to concentrate on ones physical condition all of the time. Forgetting about your past while having your future stolen away leaves one in a kind of limbo. On a broader scale , cultures that treasure their youth and respect their elders have what I would call a “culture of substance“ . The cultures of the Native populations of the America’s and the Chinese culture come to mind. The past and the future. I try my damndest to put my disease aside so that I would be able to reminisce and share my past and what it is like to prepare for my spiritual future that will not be on this earthly plane . I try to garner the strength but the requirements of day to day survival and the symptoms of my cancer overcome. This leaves me feeling despondent and inadequate. A house that I was living in years ago burnt down , actually it blew up first, I was hospitalized and had lost all my possessions except for a pair of shorts , a “T” shirt and my truck. ( luckily it was not parked near the house at the time). A few short months after , I had overcome all the losses except one , which I still regret. That was the loss of all my photographs that documented bits and pieces of my life. All I have left now is “words” to leave behind when I die soon. I have been asked by a few people to document my life's experiences as my life has been far from conventional. My first priority however is documenting my dying experience so that people may come to a closer understanding what a terminally ill person goes through while on the journey to the other side. That’s not quite true. First priority at the moment is day to day survival and to squeeze some living out of these last days/weeks. I would also like to leave some words behind about my life , as this will be the only record of my stay on this earthly plane. Last but not least is to document how I come about finding some spiritual comfort before I die soon. Each day I try to put the symptoms of my cancer aside and attempt to write the best that I can about this journey to the other side, Bye For Now See Ya on The Other Side. Today I am going to lower myself and include the open letter to Manulife Financial and the trustees at I.L.W.U. Local 500 Vancouver B. C. . Although demeaning and humiliating I am going to include the open letter again with the hopes that it somehow spurs the Union and Manulife Financial to be compassionate and take some action. . What a waste to have to spend ones last days in this way. An Open Letter To the Trustees from the Union ( Local 500 I.L.W.U.) that has control of my death benefits and Great West Life. Release my death benefit funds so that I can spend the last few weeks of my life with some sense of independence and die with some dignity. All that has to be done is “sign the papers“. It cost the Union nothing. It would change how I live my last days out for the better immensely. Manulife has already allocated the funds. The cheque is going to be issued soon any ways. Manulife doesn’t or shouldn't’t care if the small amount of funds is released now or in a few weeks. Let a person living use the funds and maintain some security and dignity during their last days instead of throwing the funds into a hole in the ground.