Manana, Manana

Sat. July 24 10 0404 The time that I have left to live is can be measured in days , weeks or perhaps a few months. I still have to deal with people that are in the mindset of having unlimited tomorrows. I do not expect anything different .This is just the way things are. I have to admit that I do find it frustrating however . The cliche about dealing with Mexicans in Mexico ( no offence intended) “Manana , Manana” comes to mind. We all know that tomorrow never arrives. I no longer have the luxury of planning to far ahead into the future. A few hours , days maybe a couple of months now constitutes my future. If you can remember back to when you were a child. How your perception of time was then. Waiting from the morning till the end of the day could seem like an eternity. When we are close to death , I think that our perception of time in certain situations reverts back to the way we perceived time as a child. That is the way it feels to me most of the time . You will also find this out someday. With the terminally ill , while the body is suffering , I do not think that it is childlike to expect some hustle when it come to providing some sort of relief. Especially if someone has put a good number of years behind them. 0545 The Cancer: The fatigue that I experience is indescribable . I try. Bone deep fatigue. The way that you would feel after running a marathon while experiencing a severe flu with a bad hangover. I feel this way 24/7 . The pains are returning but not too bad. If you had a fractured bone you would feel the same degree of pain. This is now relatively easy to deal with. It is not like 2cnd and 3rd degree burns. When the pain returns full force , burns would feel relatively comfortable. I disassociate myself as much as I can from my body so that I can communicate without sharing the pain. My face gives it away sometimes. An unintentional grimace surfaces. I do not even realize that it is there . I do wish to scream at times , and I become impatient . I do try not to show the impatience. I am alone 95 percent of my time so dealing with people does not come up that often. This dying slow is lonely painful business. I hope that no one that I know or anyone for that matter will have to go through the physical tortures of my dying experience. My death is fast approaching. I would like to do some livin during these last days.I still have to deal with dam bureaucrats so I guess it is just not going to happen in this lifetime. The disease snuck up on me quickly , took a firm death grip , and is now finishing it’s insidious business . “Manna , Manna” just does not work for me. Bye for Now . See ya on the other side The Song Of The Day Is “Ol 55” as performed by Tom Waits