Immaculate Timing

Mon. July 26 10 1230 I am just plain empty sometimes now. It is as if my soul has taken a trip , leaving my body behind. I am not sure if it is residual effects of the chemotherapy ? , depression ? , the result of the toxins in my body from the cancer ?, or perhaps the cancer has metastasized to my brain ?. Whatever it is , my mind , just like my body takes time to get moving. Sometimes I start out slow then fizzle out altogether. On the rare occasions when I get out amongst the public . The contrast between people living and myself becomes apparent. The contrast exemplifies how much of a shell of an existence I have left. Last December was when the DR.s at the cancer agency gave me the call to get ready for another 6 sessions of aggressive chemo. Since then , and actually long before that date there has not been one moment of physical comfort. Many brushes with death itself. The constant stress of wondering how I will get through each month. The reality of imminent demise in the near future. All this , and much more takes it’s toll. There , now that I have wallowed in self pity , perhaps I can recall what I should be grateful for. During some my travels , and during some of my experiences I have seen things that , I believe no one should have to see. On some occasions I myself have borne the brunt of cruelties that our our species seems intent upon inflicting upon one another. In point of fact , the largest tumour in my body is at the spot where my body sustained fractured bones and severe trauma during an attempted murder. Myself being the victim. I have never bought into the adage , “no matter how bad off one is that there is always someone worse off“. That is just someone saying , “fat chance that I’m going to go out of my way to help anyone but myself”. On the other hand , I am aware that life itself does not owe anyone anything. Life itself is the gift. Here comes the grateful part. I am amazed at what I call “immaculate timing”. Just when a situation seems hopeless (sometimes a serious situation , sometimes a situation that is completely mundane) and there is nothing in one’s power that can be done to remedy the predicament . At the precise moment ,when it feels as if all is lost , circumstances miraculously change or someone steps in as if out of nowhere and remedies the situation. It is not so much that the adverse situation has been remedied that “make my heart sing” , it is the timing , and that something good that is not of my own doing has come my way that amazes me , leaves me humbled and grateful. 0347 Bye for now see ya on the other side