A Welcoming Day

June 20 /10 The Song Of The Day Is “Wild World” as performed by Cat Stevens (just a pretty song) I awoke at 0100 this morning. Filled myself with coffee so that I could make it down to the water before my body starts to quiver. I took the picture above this morning. After a few hour of staying awake I feel really rough. Like a drunk that drinks alone and doesn’t notice how drunk he is until there are other people around and finds the comparison is shocking. I have not broke down since 0100 and it is 0730. I am still working on controlling these lapses but am afraid that the cancer and the drugs are affecting my nervous system and contributing to the meltdowns. I am still stroking though. Life is can be strange when one lives by the day. When my body starts acting up the minutes go by as if they were days. Planning to do anything is next to impossible. I start to try to do something then I realize that it just is not going to happen. I get angry and disappointed with myself when I try to do something and realize that I can’t. The is at least one time each day when I feel my mortality fading too close to the point of no return. Having said that , I am in a in an excellent mood (fool that I am)! Yesterday was the first day here that has felt like summer here on “North Island”. I have already made it outside today and am going to try again when the temp rises. It doesn’t sound like much , but for me my soul rests easy near the land. If I manage to push myself into a good mood and the discomfort abates , I can drift back to memories of the things I have done , the people I have met and things that I have seen. I bask in these memories and I feel like a person again for a short while. Or I can be amazed at all the wonder that surrounds each and every one of us and feel alive again. I will have some good moments today. I do not know why , but I definitely sense that some days are better than others to die. It feels like today would be welcoming if it were to happen today. I am going to have a great day today. I hope everyone else has some joy today. Bye for Now See ya On The Other Side