June 17 10 The Song Of the Day Is . “Little Wing” by Stevie Ray Vaughn There just is no break . There is not one moment of being comfortable. The chemo drugs make concentrating , or what I call linear thought difficult. Frustration and fear of being at the mercy of other people contributes greatly to the cause of daily breakdowns. They are not pleasant. I made it outside. The clouds parted in the northeast sky. Shades of vibrant comforting blues overtook the murky reflections on the oceans surface. I basked in it’s comforting glare. June 18 10 0330 The weather this summer has had the decency not to tease me to much. Most of the days have been cool. The chemo drugs coursing through my body leave me in a permanent chill. I hope that I get at least one day when the sun is beating down on the beach , the tide is out and there is the scent of suntan oil on a woman’s skin in the air. Although each new day should be a blessing and eventually is , it takes some time and perseverance to wring some pleasure out of each day. There are only a few hours in each day when the cancer and it’s insidious symptoms along with the chemo drugs allow me to attempt to do any living. Sometime I am successful , sometimes I am not. The few hours that are available are used up staving off the symptoms of the chemo and the cancer. Only 3 breakdowns yesterday. Upon being self analytical I attribute that to the stress involved in trying to figure out the logistics of acquiring the simple requirements of getting through each day. What a waste of precious time. My geographical location sooths my soul. However weeks and sometime times months have gone by where the only opportunity to get out and about is to go to the hospital to get injected with the chemo drugs. I have opted to sooth my soul. I have been and will just do without the physical requirements and keep stroking till dying day. The Song Of The Day Is “ Til I Am Myself Again ” As Performed By Blue Rodeo Bye For Now , See Ya On The Other Side.
No comments:
Post a Comment