Yesterday and Today

Mar. 1 /10 1216 It is still the same day as the previous post only a few hr’s later. Yesterday was a comparatively good day .Today is not a good day. Yesterday I could have done some living. Today is for suffering. Every time I feel a bit better I can not help to get my hopes up and that the next day may be the same or better. Every time I get my hopes up I get knocked back down. The cancer is spewing toxins into my system. Along with bouts of severe neuropathic pains I also feel like I have a poisoned soup coursing through my system. The best way I can explain the feeling to a healthy person is to imagine having a severe flu and then throw a hangover on top of it. That is a normal day , this is worse . The pain would be similar to to some one hitting your shins with a stick. If you were to look at me , I look more pissed off than sick. The discomfort makes it difficult to concentrate. I am not whining but trying to make a point with healthy people whom might be around the terminally ill. Like I said , I look more pissed off than sick.Healthy people take this look personally. My surliness is from the disease and not a reflection of my feeling towards the other person. On a good day for me I feel the same as a normal person would whom is to sick to go to work. Day after day and those days have been stacked up into month after months and now it is over 2 years. I get tired of it. Do not punish the sick for fighting and hanging on. Yesterday I could have done some living . Yesterday is gone . Maybe tomorrow if it comes. Hence the urgency that no one seems to comprehend. Hell or high water I am going to get some good out of ,or do some good today. I’ll take one or the other or both. See ya on the other side. It does feel better putting everything down so if anyone actually reads this stuff , Thank You.