Two Steps Back

Sat. Mar. 6 / 10 1600 Back to the emergency dept. Sun. Mar. 7 /10 God just will not cut me any slack. Despite all my precautions I seem to have managed to develop a very sore throat and pains in my ear canals. This may not be serious for a normal person but for me it is a life threatening situation. If I have to take any sort of antibiotic not only is the antibiotic life threatening but I will be unable to continue on with the chemotherapy which is a death sentence as the cancer is aggressive , growing and metastasising. The only precaution that I was unable take was to lauder my bedding and towels. I foolishly spent the generous funds that the Gov’t. provides me with on food and medicine. It is also dangerous to be out in public while I have no immunity to ward off infections. If this is where I developed the infection from I am probably will not be the first person to be killed because of their dirty laundry. I am ready to die , but it is rude that a person has to sit and rot like a death row prisoner. The death row prisoner however is not in physical pain and doesn’t have to live day by day worrying how he/she is going to survive .I do have to complement the Dr’s in this small town hospital. They attention to following proper protocols regarding the spread of infections has the big city hospitals beat all to hell. The treatment that I previously received at St, Pauls and Vancouver General was not only negligent but I would say criminal. A person should not have to spend their final time the way that I am now spending my time . Every time that I try to take a step forward I get knocked back two. Every single time ! I am not whining but after awhile one can get a bit angry. Bye for now. Beat ya to the other side . 0430
, I was in a city . I could look down at the ocean . There were people working in different situations and places. I could see and be at all these places at once. As one can do in dreams .The people and somehow the place was as aware of me . There was a feeling of comfort and friendliness. I was working but then my co-workers told me that it was my time to find something else. Other people working at other places , smiles on their faces , offered me tasty foods and herbs to sample. I was then walking along a street that overlooked the ocean. All the people and the buildings seemed to be open , safe and friendly. I was on the street , aware of all that was around me as can happen in dreams. A woman took my hand. I squeezed . She squeezed back. Comfortable feelings overwhelmed me. The feeling one gets when a trusting infant nestles in your arms and looks lovingly into to your eyes. That along with the sensation of a woman, close , resting her head on my shoulder but closer. Two bodies in one skin. Warm , safe and jubilant. We both trembled comfortably and looked down at the vastness of the ocean below. I woke . I was crying. I do not know why but I was.