Refrigerator White

Mar . 10 2010 0924 I wake up and my face is refrigerator white.I am suspicious that the new pain in my throat is not an infection It could be the cancer has metastasized .I force myself to drink some water . When I swallow it feels like a knitting needle being shoved through my ear. The pain medication that the dr. told me to try seemed to work for a bit but now seem to do nothing. I have to drink lots of water as my kidneys are getting hit from all the medications. The lingering chemo drugs are especially hard on the kidneys as are the antibiotics and the pain medication. Kidney failure is a possibility. My right leg now starts to go rigid and cramp ,my toes curling up on themselves and seizing . Showering is dangerous as I am unsteady on my foot. A dentist was supposed to see me to look for a source of the infection? . That now has been called off pending more tests as has the chemotherapy ?. I can’y help but think of a coworker with cancer that was performing in a band with Randy Rampage (also a co-worker) on a Fri. night. Everyone said that he looked fine , next week he was dead. I know that it can happen fast and myself have experienced the daily , sometimes hourly turns. Mother nature continues to flex her muscles outside. One would barley stand up outside, the ocean is frothing and boiling. The sea lions and the fishes must be hanging on with their teeth. High tide is at 0300 , there is a wind warning . Sometimes debris gets thrown up over the bank within feet of my window. I do however enjoy ma nature showing off. Keeps us humble. I am trying to stay awake as much as possible as I get a feeling that my time could be near. I hope that I am wrong but it is no longer in my hands. I do end up passing out quite often both night and day. Bye for now . See ya on the other side,.