Looking for Something Pleasant

Thurs. Mar. 11 /10 0600 The wind is coming from the southeast with gusts of up to 100 km an hour. My house is in as much order as it is going to get. I get a bad feeling and hope that I am wrong. The infection? Is not going away with the use of antibiotics. I said previously that I had a bad feeling going into these cycles of chemo. I am going to stop taking the pain medication and see what happens. Most times the pain medications are having no effect on the pain and are just stressing the body needlessly . Not to mention the ill effects and damage done by all pharmaceutical drugs. I know what it feels like when the cancer is starting to take over in parts of the body. There are many symptoms that the Dr,s write off and are not considered. There are symptoms to look for that are not listed in the literature provided by the various cancer agencies. The body sends signals both physical and mental that something is terribly wrong. Constant unexplained pain is , or should be an obvious one. To many times this type of pain is not paid attention to by both dr and patient. Knowing exactly what is going on in ones body by the patient is paramount in if any treatment is going to be effective. Diet is paramount in the treatment as is ones frame of mind. One of my last pleasures available to me was eating (pussy too) , it is very painful to swallow. Drinking water is painful. I guess god though that I was having too much fun here and has decided to take the pleasure of eating away also. Pain makes not being cynical difficult. My days mostly consist of finding ways to get to my appts. Making sure that the right people have the right info so that there is not too much unnecessary and dangerous treatments. DR’s are as wrong as many times as they are right. This is not meant to be insulting. All the care is departmentalized . There is no way that the information from one dept to another does not lose something in the transfer of info. I have gone to the hospital before tests are to take place. I can see from the instructions to me that the Dep’t in question is not going to perform the tests as requested by the physician. They change the protocols that are to be performed the day of the test. The day of the test the technicians are ready to perform the tests using the wrong protocols. Again it has to be straightened out or else the physician would be getting the wrong or inadequate info. A patient need an advocate . I am afraid of the time coming soon . The last days when one no longer has the strength or ability to look after these things. Now I get to go and bang my head again the wall dealing and worrying about the financial wringer that my Gov’t. and Union are putting me through. I know that they are just delaying and hoping that I will just fck off and die. Cheaper that way , and money is more important than people to us. We do not want to admit it but it is a fact. There is just to much other stressful factors other than dying going on now. It is cruel. I am living off of coffee now and trying to be lucid as long as possible. Going to try to get into the positve. After the complaining that I am doing here. I am grateful for the attention and help that I have received. I would have been dead long ago if it had not been for the help I received. On the other hand also I might have been a lot better of with additional treatment and not having to deal with the stress of getting by 24/7. This is becoming a rant so I will stop now and see if I can come up with something pleasant . Bye for now , See ya on the other side