Keeping On

Mar. 14 /10 0500 Every time that I go through an bout of serious pain that lasts for days the will to keep living diminishes. I try to regain the intensity of my desire to keep on and am successful to a point. However I never seem to be able to quite reach the mark that I left. Right now I cannot remember when I ever felt healthy nor how it felt. All that I know now is that each day is physically painful and uncomfortable. I am hoping that if I am able to continue chemotherapy for the next three months that it will be beneficial and that I might once again experience what it feels like to be symptom and pain free. I have become pretty good at disassociating myself from my body. One has to in order to psychologically survive the constant discomfort . Overcome it ! Get on with the time that is left for living. I am sorry that so much time is spent dying. There has not been any physical pleasure for quite some time. One must use the mind to achieve any well being. Taking journeys within memories and trying to keep inspired by the wonders that surround me. Each day is still a gift .I do say thank you and try to journey to some emotional place of well being. I still can get comfortably lost in realization of how much I do not know and still have sometime to find out . Doing something pleasant for someone else so that I can bask in their smiles also can warm my heart. On this earthly plane I keep my body moving as much as possible but my journeys are cerebral and/or spiritual. Like the voyages of the mind one can take while being lost in a good book. I should not complain but sometimes I do . I am still here. Bye for now , See ya on the other side. The Song of the Day Is “All I Want” by Joni Mitchel Just a pretty , happy song.