Happy St. Patrick's Day
Wed. Mar. 17 /10 0120 : The Chemo: I am up at 0120 tidying up in the kitchen and washroom. Maybe this gives me a sense of normalcy. My resting pulse is 110 beats per minute. I have passed out for 2 hrs within the last 24. It is difficult to coordinate my fingers to the keyboard to spell different words. I have been able to drink water without experiencing severe pain for 4 days now , “ye ha”. I sit in an easy chair my hands go numb . Pains in the chest. I am exhausted and wide awake. I have 2 more days of intravenous injections of chemo-therapy drugs to complete the second cycle of 5 to 6 cycles. I8 days in between the cycles . The full bad effects of the cycle of chemo will not start for 3 to 6 days yet. Then it gets rough. Usually at this stage I do feel not to bad. I now feel like I got ate by a wolf and “shat” out over a cliff. I am a bit nervous about what is going to happen when the chemo drugs take their full effect in a few days. Again I hope that I am wrong but I did have a bad feeling before these sessions started. Each cycle gets more difficult. This is cycle 2 and I already have been to the emergency dept. twice. The anti-nausea drugs are heavy , the chemo drugs are extremely powerful and I am still taking antibiotics which are all hard on the body. I have been through chemo before and the body never really fully recovers. I just had a cup of strong coffee. The pulse is up to 130 now, somewhat scary but I have chased off the exhaustion for awhile. I am semi pain free at the moment . I wonder if I can go through many more bouts of pain. The only way that I can describe the pain to a normal person is for them to shove a knife into their thigh and 3 or 4 in.. Keep it working it and twisting it around 24 hrs a day for 5 or 6 days. I mentally never fully recover from these onslaughts. My tastes change drastically with the drugs. Foods I enjoyed can at a moments notice can taste disgusting. During the chemo all my time and energy is spent on dealing with the effects of the therapy .Trying to ensure the all important proper diet and dealing with the effects of the drugs. The politeness and smiley face I put on when I deal with other people is sincere but requires a lot of “push”. On the good side . I am not experiencing the nausea that a lot of other people do. I am getting a better handle on the effects of the drugs which helps me deal with them. “Hell” I am still here and have a chance at living on for awhile with some degree comfort. For right now that’s good enough for me. The Song of the Day Is. “I’ll Take You There” by The Staple Singers” Bye For Now , See ya on the other side
0930 Unfortunately with the chemo comes the selfishness.It just seems to be that way. I do not know if it is a combination of the drugs ,dealing with the effects of the cancer and the reality that life will be over soon. It is also difficult to concentrate on others when ones body is attacking oneself with pains , fatigue and general feeling of being unwell most of the time . There are bad moments , with effort fine rewarding moments can be achieved. Kinda like a serious game of snakes and ladders.
Wed. Mar. 17 /10 0120 : The Chemo: I am up at 0120 tidying up in the kitchen and washroom. Maybe this gives me a sense of normalcy. My resting pulse is 110 beats per minute. I have passed out for 2 hrs within the last 24. It is difficult to coordinate my fingers to the keyboard to spell different words. I have been able to drink water without experiencing severe pain for 4 days now , “ye ha”. I sit in an easy chair my hands go numb . Pains in the chest. I am exhausted and wide awake. I have 2 more days of intravenous injections of chemo-therapy drugs to complete the second cycle of 5 to 6 cycles. I8 days in between the cycles . The full bad effects of the cycle of chemo will not start for 3 to 6 days yet. Then it gets rough. Usually at this stage I do feel not to bad. I now feel like I got ate by a wolf and “shat” out over a cliff. I am a bit nervous about what is going to happen when the chemo drugs take their full effect in a few days. Again I hope that I am wrong but I did have a bad feeling before these sessions started. Each cycle gets more difficult. This is cycle 2 and I already have been to the emergency dept. twice. The anti-nausea drugs are heavy , the chemo drugs are extremely powerful and I am still taking antibiotics which are all hard on the body. I have been through chemo before and the body never really fully recovers. I just had a cup of strong coffee. The pulse is up to 130 now, somewhat scary but I have chased off the exhaustion for awhile. I am semi pain free at the moment . I wonder if I can go through many more bouts of pain. The only way that I can describe the pain to a normal person is for them to shove a knife into their thigh and 3 or 4 in.. Keep it working it and twisting it around 24 hrs a day for 5 or 6 days. I mentally never fully recover from these onslaughts. My tastes change drastically with the drugs. Foods I enjoyed can at a moments notice can taste disgusting. During the chemo all my time and energy is spent on dealing with the effects of the therapy .Trying to ensure the all important proper diet and dealing with the effects of the drugs. The politeness and smiley face I put on when I deal with other people is sincere but requires a lot of “push”. On the good side . I am not experiencing the nausea that a lot of other people do. I am getting a better handle on the effects of the drugs which helps me deal with them. “Hell” I am still here and have a chance at living on for awhile with some degree comfort. For right now that’s good enough for me. The Song of the Day Is. “I’ll Take You There” by The Staple Singers” Bye For Now , See ya on the other side
0930 Unfortunately with the chemo comes the selfishness.It just seems to be that way. I do not know if it is a combination of the drugs ,dealing with the effects of the cancer and the reality that life will be over soon. It is also difficult to concentrate on others when ones body is attacking oneself with pains , fatigue and general feeling of being unwell most of the time . There are bad moments , with effort fine rewarding moments can be achieved. Kinda like a serious game of snakes and ladders.
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