Early Morning Gift

Mar. 3 /10 0130 I was to uncomfortable to sleep. I got up , all the lights were turned off. I stopped by the kitchen sink and gazed out the window. If the window was a picture frame ,The luminescent almost full moon was framed in the top right side of the window. A reflective ray shone on the calm water from the mountains on the mainland straight towards my window , undulating gracefully like some shiny living thing dancing just for me. The discomfort that made me get up was compensated for by natures gift that was framed in the window. No camera or palette could capture the brightness or nuances of the colours. During the summer , the splendour of the myriad of early morning soft shades of blue on and around the ocean and mountains can make one cry. My immediate goal is to hang on to see this again. But if not that will have to be just fine. 0230 Everything is “push” now. It takes an hour or two and a pot of coffee to get moving. Many times my smiles are just pasted on my face for the benefit of others. Not to be phony but rather not make people feel uncomfortable. Since the first session of chemo the pains have subsided. (knock on wood) ! For that I am grateful. I am to uncomfortable to sleep ,so I just try to keep moving till I pass out. In the meantime while I am awake I do try to find some joy , and usually do. See ya on the other side .