Tues. Feb. 9 10 0648 Well here I am again. The cancer is taking over again. In a few days I will be going for 4 or 5 cycles of chemotherapy (84 days) with at least 5 weeks of recovery after that. If ! I survive the chemo . My gut feeling is apprehensive as to whether or not I will survive the chemo. I am not prepared for it ,nor am I capable of getting ready for it. People seem sympathetic , but no one is or will be here for the fight. “ C’est La Vie” . Right now , 3 days of tests left. I have no idea how I am going to make to these appts. There is not much physical energy left. That leaves 2 days with which to do any living till the chemo takes its toll. The big black dog (depression) has been back for awhile. One aspect of human nature is clear. We do abandon people when they weaken. Maybe the Inuit got it right. The injured and the elderly go off on their own to die so as to not draw resourses from the people who will be staying behind. The morning was gorgeous again. The orange slivered moon reflecting a bright ray towards the shore on it’s still calm surface.
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