Longer Days

Dec. 27/09 The days are now getting longer as my time remaining grows shorter. I was on top of the cancer for awhile . I am no longer able to, nor was it possible to for me to contnuie my regime of diet, supplements and light activity. I was on to something however. The effect of the experimenting that I did with the combinations of diets and supplements surprised the oncologists. They told me to continue. I wish I could have. I remember that over a year ago , before I was diagnosed , that my body could sense the tumours in my right lung. I would constantly be reaching around my my back as if a presence was there. I would also catch myself reaching up palpating the area on my chest where the largest tumour was progressing. When I was in the hospital being diagnosed, I could direct the DR. to the placement of her finger to a spot on my back exactly to where the tumour was lieing underneath my flesh and inside my lung. The other major symptom is the obvious fatigue. The fatigue however is a tricky, sneaky customer. It secretes its debilitating poison slowly each day with the occasional unexplainable wallop from which one never really fully recovers. Unless someone else is there to point out the downhill slide , the fatigue can be explained away and denied for quite some time. One finds oneself saying, I am just getting older, maybe it is my diet, maybe it is deppression, maybe it is lack of exersise. One can keep on explaining away the fatigue unitill you find yourself saying to youself “I just can’t take this anymore”. The body knows that it is being killed and is trying to let the victim know. What is unfortunate with the extensive stage small cell lung cancer is that by the time the symptoms are noticeable the survival rate is 6 months to a year at best with aggressive therapy. Without therapy life expectancy is measured in weeks.Small cell lung cancer is incureable.My cancer was diagnosed as extremely aggressive and at an advanced stage of extensive stage small cell lung cancer. The oncologists would not even go out on a limb and say that I would be around for the next 30 days when I was diagnosed a year ago last Oct. I almost died a few times. It has been been 14 months since I was diagnosed. I went walking by and in the ocean. I was excerising and had a sense of well being at times and the cancer was not growing much. The Drs can’t tell where the small cell cancer is metastasising to until the cancer has firmly entrenched itself and is visible with the use of the available diagnostic imaging. Since I had to stop my regime that has all has changed. I can feel something going on in my left lung, in my armpits and have unexplainable head aches. The insidious presence in the arm pits probably means that the cancer has progressed to my lymphatic system. The pain and debilitating fatigue are present 5 out of 10 days. I wish that I could have continued on with my regime of diet, supplements and exersise , I am prove that the small cell lung cancer can be held at bay for quite awhile. As soon as I had to stop my regime, the downhill slide and the proggresion of the cancer is noticeable. For others, pay attention to what the body is saying to you. If you really feel that something is wrong do not let the doctors dismiss the symptoms or mask the symptoms with drugs. I mean if there is something wrong, make the medical profession do something about it, masking the symptoms does nothing to cure any disease. Pain management is a different subject. Pharmaceutical drugs are much more dangerous than illegal street drugs. I am not saying that “tongue in cheek” it is simply true. For cancer, the diet and supplements make a 100% difference in the both the progression of the disease and the quality of life. All other cancer patients that I have talked to have confirmed this (the diet and supplements not the next part). Relying on the advice and treatment of only modern medicine in the case of cancer is a death sentence. To the people dealing with a person with a terminal disease. The cruellest things that a person can do to a terminally ill patient ,although unintentional , is to make the patient discuss all their symptoms and diagnosis in detail over and over again , the say things like “ I got a feeling that your case is different” , “maybe a miracle will happen” , “oh I heard that … “ . The last thing that terminally ill patient needs to go through is , describing the symptoms over and over again, thus reliving them over and over. Also the terminally ill have a difficult time enough dealing with their own initial denial of accepting the fact that they will die soon. Do not make them have to deal with your denial of the fact that they will soon be dead. Although unintentional, making a terminally ill person deal with other person’s denial is cruel and demeaning. Taking care of oneself while dealing with a terminal disease is an exhausting 24/7 job. The body becomes one’s prison cell on death row. Each day becomes more difficult and there are few highs. It takes a lot of work and effort for one to bring one’s mood up out of the doldrums. The changes to the body, when depression combines with pain, can make the hours go by like stinging months. Try to remember when you were a child and how slow time could pass . Time can slowed down and mired in misery for the terminally ill . It takes a lot of work and effort to overcome this state. I am sad that I had to stop looking after myself but in a weird way , although scary, it is a bit comforting to know that this development will bring me closer to the end. It is just way to difficult and demeaning having to deal with acquiring the means to survive on a daily basis. The uncertainty takes its toll and there is no time or energy left to fight the disease. Gotta try to "get into the positive" now for a bit. The song of the day is; ”The Weight” by The Band