Fri. Dec 25/09 The Song of The day is : “Miles From Nowhere” by Cat Stevens In a rounda bout way I am glad that the Americans banned his music from beeing played . The result has been than the music was never overplayed. Any music that had any artistic integrity , had the misfortune to apeall to the masses would soon be overplayed by the media to the point of becoming irritating. Then it would be used to sell cars or toilet paper. Neil Young was one of the few popular artists from the sphere of musical influence in my time that did not self-defaecate on his own artistic endevours. Hypocracy in the nth degree lies in the fact that Cat Stevens music was banned. How does a people and country that purports to stand for Democracy , Equality for all , and Free speech justify banning an artists (in this case totally innocuous music) work simply because some groups do not like the way the artist thinks. For that matter why should anyone person or group have the power to decide what can or cannot be said or thought in a supposed free and democratic society. Stalin and Hitler were smiling at that development. The sad part is is that the majority of our fellow human beings south of the 49th do not even realize that they are the most brainwashed society on the planet and live under a corporate dictatorship. I in no way take away the good things that have been achieved by the many fine people and minds that reside there. They have to realize that they live in an autocratic state and stop exporting their jingoistic madness while they still have friends that are not just there for them because they have a gun in their back. I hope everyone enjoys the song as much as I did. The Cancer; last night was horrific. I remmember when my mother was in palliative care she would always complain about how unconfortable her feet were. I can remmember her posture while she was lying in the hospital bed . I now know what she was going through. Nevermind that there is no real sleep. Sleep is just one long subconscious panic? attack after the other. I am afraid to close my eyes but eventually exhaustion takes over. When I do come too , the body is all twisted and tense . The muscles in my legs are in a fixed and contracted state. The feet are flexed and curled in on themselves and very painful. I am sure that in her morphine inflicted state that she was trying to communicate that there was still unbearable pain in her feet. The backs of the legs are so tensed up that it feels like a separate presence inflicting the pain. For myself when the exhaustion takes over I get a few minutes of relative relief. The minutes are hours . I have stopped or rather not bothered with all the logisticts that it takes to eat much. My diet and concoctions were working and the oncologists were surprised at the positive results.The diet has to be worked on in steps and cannot be started and stopped. I heartily suggest it for other cancer patients with the means to do so. I am living of of heavily sugared coffee and a bit of oatmeal(and some cigs) each day . I get a few hours of relative comfort this way. The rest of the day and night is restless pacing within 400 sq. ft. interjected with laying down when exhaustion takes over . The logistics and means required and acquiring the necessary items just have not been there , I lived by the day and tried to build up on the succeses from the effects of diet , supplements and movement each day. The oncologist’s were astonished. People are well intentioned . We do all live our lives in the light of our own intentions. Unfortunaly , or perhaps fortunately , the break and deviation from my program has been too long now. I no longer have the energy, nor do I wan’t to lose anymore dignity chasing the means to survive and live. The new year is almost here. God didn’t show up either. Now that I got that all out . Maybe another cup of coffee with give me enough of a boost for me to click my heals. I have stopped waiting for tommorows and am pretty sure that there is not much on the other side. 0908 My main objective now is to maintain some dignity while the body withers. Bye for Now. “A Whiter Shade of Pale” by Procol Harem seems like a fitting song at this time.
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