Guy With The Scythe

Sun.Nov.15/09 I believe that I have made it past the point of no return now. Just waiting for the the guy with the scythe to come by. I can no longer be around people for any period of time. I do not understand why that is , only that it is. I can’t help feeling that I have let myself down somehow. I lack the will and desire to figure it out. When one is in pain and discomfort the minutes go by like hours ,the days like months and the months like years. I have been in this state for over two years now. There is no happy ending forthcoming. I used up all “wait” a few months ago. I am ready and I believe have the courage to go now rather than sit and wait.There is no generosity or compassion without sacrifice. If I am to be reincarnated and land in North American society I will come back as a fancy car. Ah ! to be polished , gassed and cared for. I am grateful for all the good that I have seen in people , disgusted but not surprised at the horrible things that I have seen people do to each other. Wondered why we stop maturing between the ages of 15 and 19. Almost all people stop to morally and emotionally growing between those ages. We may learn more skills, facts and behaviors , but our intentions and moral compasses are set and calibrated by the time we reach 19. One must pay attention to and be willing to change their behaviour . Be willing to look at life through different lenses and from different points of view. If not they are destined to go to their graves with the same mindset that they had as when they were young adults. In other words we should stop being such self serving wimps and grow the fu.. up. It is refreshing sometimes to see grown people live with the zeal that they possessed when they were young. It is frightening however though to see “successful” members of society go through life and make decisions that affect others behaving like spoiled selfish children. Look at our politicians behaviour during the question period in the Canadian house of commons. The sandbox behavior displayed by these “educated concerned moral civil servants”(sarcasm here) that make decisions that can affect policies that may determine life and death of some of it’s citizens is fearsome. Their greed is transparent. We are usually no better unless we decide to work at improving. Since the only standard that measures success in North American society is toys and possesions. Integrity , morality ,compassion and caring take a ride in the back seat or are left on the side of road on ones journey through life. There’s a bit of a rant. I have found a way to be comfortable and at peace. I hope that others discover the same. Bye For Now!