Fri. Nov. 6/09 All systems go so far. Sat. Nov. 7/09 Last night the pain became unbearable but is better today . I know that with one of the three most debilitating pains that if I took morphine it would only exasperate the condition. The pain from the cancer has become secondary compared to this newer pain. I can concentrate and teach myself to deal with one type of pain at a time. When my body is subjected to a barrage of different types of severe pain in all different parts of the body it is difficult to even think. Add the sweats ,depression , lonesomeness extreme fatigue , constant flu like feeling and poverty on top of the pain and this is the way I start every ,every , every single morning day in day out , week in week out ,month in month out. I hope God thinks that I was suffering enough. Just wait till I see him/her , there is some accounting on his/her part. I am not whining but documenting. One aspect of human nature that I became aware of a long time ago is that when people ask someone who is suffering how they feel that they really do not want to be informed about the degree of suffering while the person suffering is present. This my be long winded but mull this over and you find it to be true. I still sincerely listen to the complaints of others but it gets difficult to keep putting on the smiley face. I do care but I never did understand why we upset ourselves over trivial matters , me included. I guess that one of the common threads that connects all matters big and small that upsets us is that when we perceive that someone is not being forthright with us and has underlying selfish motives. I believe that all these singular interpersonal indiscretions manifest themselves into our politics and social order partially resulting in the disorder and mayhem that has plagued societies ever since there was societies. The partial answer is to strangle greed, defy vanity and overcome selfishness. I hope that I can manage to eradicate these three weaknesses within myself before I die. I have a few relative good hours in the morning. I am going to keep working to try to extend the time of this feeling of relative well being. If there is time.? Bye for Now . G mail