Wed. Nov . 18/09 What a difference! My visit to the Emergency Dept. was a month ago today. Coincidence I imagine. Since then I have been working at establishing some sense of physical well being. I have managed to achieve the ability to perform some aerobic activity for almost a week now. It took a month to get to this stage. Inactivity for someone in my condition is death as far as I am concerned. Today I am just in pain (4/10 ) and feel like I have a slight flu. This is heaven compared to way that I usually feel. I know that this feeling of relative well being will be short lived. It does however give me some ambition to carry on a bit longer. I have done a bit of research about the relationship between exercise , diet and depression. Without any exaggeration I have been putting my life on the line experimenting. Considering that according to statistics and the Dr.s that I should have been dead months ago , I believe that I have been somewhat successful. I know that if I would have relied solely upon the chemotherapy and radiation treatments that I would have been dead long ago. As far as the medical community is concerned , a patient beating the odds for a while is the result of the regime of chemotherapy and radiation alone. I am not down playing the importance of these therapies as they are most definitely life saving. Unfortunately they only take a patient part way towards maintaining a degree of well being . I have been in such states of suffering for weeks whereas had I been a dog I would have been euthanized. The medical community as a whole considers this a state of “living”. Any discomfort is to be controlled by dangerous narcotics and other drugs. I believe these drugs , although at times necessary speed the patient towards the "pearly gates". I have been on the receiving end of inflicted physical pain and mental torment prior to being diagnosed with terminal cancer .I am no stranger as to what the human body and mind can be subjected to and somehow withstand. I know that with proper attention being paid to diet, exercise , supplements , spiritual well being and appropriate non stressful surroundings that a terminally ill patients life and quality of life increases. I am no medical expert , but I am inside looking out, whereas the health care givers are outside looking in. Individually most health care workers are saints that put a lot more of themselves into their work than other professions. They are however saddled with a system which is established to fulfill the needs of large corporations by the bureaucrats that are our gov’t. If anyone still believes that our Gov’t. operates for the benefit of or is concerned about the well being of the general population I suggest that they take a hit of acid and wait for the tooth fairy , as least in that state they will not be so detached from reality. It is unfortunate that politics and out right corruption does not allow the capable caring people that are out there run our health care system. Again peoples well being and lives are not even close to the top of list of priorities in North American society .This attitude has filtered down to the general population. Hell , I have started to ramble. I know that my feeling of well being will not last long so I am going to listen to James Brown Perform “I Feel Good” , revel in this moment of semi-comfort and “get into the positive”. For all who are in general health , enjoy the feeling , embrace your fellow woman , man whatever your preference and carpe diem. Things can change quickly. As the great Canadian Red Green has been known to say “ were all in this together” .I say that we should all look out for each other. My Rant. I knew that the good feeling wouldn’t last . I am thankful that I was able to feel relatively well for a bit. I just ate,. When I eat I feel the same way that a “normy” would feel after a marathon with some internal pain thrown in for good measure. To bad , cooking and eating was one of my favourite pastimes. (I’ll have to stick to women I guess). I feel better when I do not eat for a day of two but then obviously the energy is not there. While I am on a down subject. I was considering what are the most stressful situations that we encounter. “They Say” . #1 Diagnosed with a terminal illness ( I have terminal small cell lung cancer in it’s advanced stage) #2 Death in the family( I am coming up to the anniversary of both my Wife’s and Mothers death) #3 Moving ( my present situation is not affordable) Not that there isn’t any money the banks just won’t let it go until I die soon. #4 Loss of employment ( not by my choice , the cancers) #5 Poverty ( It took me 9 years to establish a position where within a short time I would have been making a dam good living .I was 4 hrs short from receiving benefits from my work when the cancer took over almost killed me and left me unable to work ) The money that the Gov‘t provides barley covers rent. #6 Loss of independence ( Goes hand in hand with poverty) #6 The holiday season … Throw on a whole bunch of daily pain , the not knowing if this is going to be the day or not that the cancer will spread to my brain or nervous system and totally debilitate me .God puts this on my plate each morning and I stir it all into my coffee and see if I can wring some living and pleasure out of the day. And I do . Hundreds and hundreds of days have started this way so far. It is easy at times to get on the emotional roller coaster. My wish list . A pair of rubber Boots and world peace . I am tired of my feet getting wet and cold when I manage to get out for a walk. Still I have lots to be grateful for. I am disgusted at the way than people can treat their fellow man. On the other hand I am totally warmed ,and admire the people that perform acts of kindness both towards myself and others. The big guy/girl has given me another day. I am going to try to stay in the positive and wring some joy out of this day.
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