2 Days

Sun. Oct. 25/ 09 I should have known , it seems that the more that I push my body the more the cancer pushes back. Just keep stroking I guess , “somethings gotta give” one way or the other. The sky briefly turned fire red in a thin strip left by the opening clouds above the mountains , across the strait as the sun was rising from behind the mountains to the east. No painting could match the subtle beauty. The Song Of The Day Is: "Refugee" performed by Melissa Etheridge
Mon. Oct 26/09 Minute by minute , hour by hour , day by day , the pain continues on and my attitude towards life or should I say death changes constantly. I have noticed that the living have little time for the dying. Maybe that is the way it is supposed to be as others will be there soon enough . You would think that people would be a bit curious about the process . It sure makes it lonely for the person dying. I can recall that I was not to keen about sharing my time with people while they were passing. Selfish but true. I am trying not to feel guilty for being self absorbed , but for some reason I do. Just what I need more confusion at this stage. One would think that when a person knows that someone is going to die soon that it would be their time for awhile. I have found out that is not so . Maybe that’s just the way things are. One thing that I have learned from experience is that if one wants some attention one has to give it first . I just do not have the energy , nor the time and have already given pretty well all that I can. I am living with a different state of mind now than I was when I was healthy and had life to look forward to. The material things that people live for and are so attached to matter little to me now. I enjoy someone I care about being happy no matter if what they care about is important to me or not . I only hope that these things truly make them happy and they are not just confused and searching aimlessly. Everyone lives with an underlying uncertainty . Questioning themselves , “is the direction that I am taking in life the right one for me?“. We feel comfortable when we follow , nervous while we lead , exhilarated when we have lead and receive accolades. The Song Of The Day Is : “Going To California” by Led Zepplin