Wed . Oct. 7/09 The Song of the Day Is “ Refuge” and “You can Sleep While I Drive” by Melissa Etheridge , God that woman’s voice can crawl into a mans soul. The Quote of the Day Is: Human life consists in mutual service. No grief, pain, misfortune, or "broken heart," is excuse for cutting off one's life while any power of service remains. But when all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one. By Charlotte Perkins Gilman I am daily becoming more aware of the relationship between body and soul. When I come close to dying my mind immediately starts thinking spiritually and when I get a bit of a reprieve and my body attempts to fight back against the cancer and makes a slight headway I want to enjoy earthly pleasures ,but again the means are not in the cards so I make out the best that I can.
All in all not a bad day yesterday , not to much pain and the fatigue and when it did hit me it was not disabling. I have spoke with other cancer patients that have small cell lung cancer and they confirmed that they feel the same type of fatigue as I do as well as the constant and steady discomfort . The fatigue hits like someone is injecting something into my viens , I can be doing something or just sitting there in not to much pain or discomfort and suddenly I feel as if a wave of “tired “ is coursing through my viens and it is all I can do to make it somewhere to lie down. I keep getting weird pains in my head and ears and am praying that the cancer is not metastasising to my brain , when the cancer does metastasise to my my brain and major parts of my body begin failing I will seriously consider suicide . I have lost enough and am struggling to survive as it is and I can’t see keeping on if the stuation gets much worse as everyday is a fight to keep on keeping on. All that aside I am looking forward to today as the pain and discomfort levels are tolerable so far and am going to keep taking my alternative concoctions as they seem to help. 14 days
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