13 Days

Thurs. Oct. 8/09 The Song of The Day Is: “Flying Cowboys” by Riki Lee Jones She is either extremely artistic or insane . Intelligent women are a turn on . The quote of the day is :Don't strew me with roses after I'm dead.When Death claims the light of my brow,No flowers of life will cheer me: insteadYou may give me my roses now! By: Thomas F. Healy
I guess a day and a bit is the only amount of time of feeling semi-comfortable that God will give me. Started coughing up lots of blood yesterday . Every time that I feel a bit of relieve I get my hopes up that it will last for more than a few hours .The Drs informed me that one of the tumors is up against a major artery and that the it is quite possible that the tumour could cuase a lot of bleeding and that I could drown in my own blood. If that does occur I was informed that there is nothing that could really be done even if I decided to go to the emergency dep‘t at the hospital .. The other complication that could occur is that when the cancer reaches my brain any function of my body could stop working ie. I could suddenly loose my sight or the use of my legs , bodily functions etc. etc.. I wake up each day and put the prospect of that happening out of my mind and attempt to do some living . I do know that it is coming and it gets more difficult each day to put the thought of being blind , crippled and then drowning in my own blood and then try to enjoy a bit of the day. I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself . To many different aches and pain to even bother the dr’s with and now we have stopped dealing with the major ones. I guees that the next step that they will take and have tried to take is to put me in a drug induced stupor. I have so far for the most part stayed away from the narcotics that they said I should be taking for the pain as I would like to stay lucid as long as possible. Where ’s the gun Billy.