Oct.9/09 0400 The Songs of the day are: “Gotta Get a Message to You” and “To Love Somebody” by The Bee Gee’s The songs are syrupy and “schmaltzy” but they fit my mood this morning, the latter has always tugged at my heartstrings. Music gets my emotional juices flowing and stirs up memories , makes them more vivid , emtotional and if the song is right erotic. The quote of the day is “If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.” by Ann Landers ( in the past if anyone told me that I would be quoting Ann Landers I would not have believed them but the quote is the right one for me today) My companion , the Cancer seems to be winning and never ceases to surprise me at how many different ways that it can hurt me. Today is going to be a good day no matter what happens to me today . I am in good spirits this morning regardless of the pain (7/10) and some internal bleeding etc. etc. . I am still not prepared to trade relief for lucidity and the myriad of side effects of pain medications. The only thing that could ruin my state of mind this morning would knowing that someone close to me is suffering. Although I am confused about this process of death I am not so much afraid of dying as I am nervous , the discomfort and pain I could do without . love sweet life sweet death /look at me in the light of your own intentions /there is no place closer /or any space inbetween /pleasure and desperation /love me when I drop. Azab
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