Mon. Sept. 21/09 To many Dr’s, to many pills , to much pain and not enough time or energy left to for spiritual and pleasurable pursuites . Tues. Sept, 22/09 I have seen the way that I am going to die years ago . I watched my mother pass away wiyh the same type of cancer many years ago and it was not pretty. I also told a friend (may God bless each one that I have) in 2003 that I would be dyiing about this time period. I have the same unrelated black spot on the same place on my face that my mother had , Although malignant is will not be the cause of my death. I also have developed a problem with my spine that would probably end up crippling me but I know that I will be dead before that happens . My mother also had the same problem , she had been in a prison camp in Europe just after the 2nc WW and I was born in Canada , we lived two completely different lives but both ended up suffering the same prolonged way before our deaths . That is a testament to genetics. It is a drag having watched the way that I know that I will be dying , aside from the physical torment and detereration there is the loss independence and the humiliation of the inevitable loss body functions and knowing that I am dying far to young asnd before accomplishing the things that I want to do. I also know that I will be dying alone which is a bit scary , I am taking the journey towards my death alone 99.9% of the time anyways ,as well as still wasting my precious last days having to deal with money claims maybe dying alone wont be so bad after all. I wish that I had more time to get into a spiritual frame of mind but the madness of our North American brainwashed mentality that material goods are the more important than people surrounds me and attempts to smother more noble pursuits. The quote of the day is . “ Our talents are the gift that God gives to us... What we make of our talents is our gift back to God.” By Leo Bascaglia The song of the day is : “samba pa ti “ by Carlos Santana A swooning instrumental that I have heard and seen Mr. Santana perform both in a large and small venue . Whatever became of his brother and “Mallo” Although I am not a religious person I still go out every morning and give thanks to “god” ( whomever he / she ? may be) for giving me another day and also say a prayer for asking for a few goodies so that I can enjoy a bit of this earthly plain before I die soon. I know that is a contradiction and I will explain the contradiction later . Right now I am almost pain free for a short period of time and will try to get out on the beach and enjoy bit of the day the best that I can.