Miles From Nowhere

Mon. Sept. 28/09 The song of the day is “Miles From Nowhere “ by Cat Stevens . A good song to be played at a funeral The quote of the day is . “when the body becomes a burden the soul will compensate” by Azab About Death: Yesterday the quote of the day was “my friends are my estate” , Since I know that I will be dead within ,days? Weeks? or hopefully God gives me at least a few months (my expiry date was supposed to be as soon as May and it is now close to Oct.) the desire to leave something behind on this earthly plane becomes stronger the closer that I get to my last day , I am sure that this is something everyone whom is close to drawing their last breath is aware of . I am also compelled to be totally honest in everything I say , this is not new for myself as I have allways wondered why sugar coated lies are necessary in order to get through life , I must admit receiving them feels good sometimes but there are professions and positions where people are adamant that they are truthfull and above reproach,(politicians , police , judges , armed forces spokespeople) and will make one life miserable if you do not accept what they say a being nothing but the truth even though a 5 year old child can see that they are blatently lieing. These people get involved in extortion , drug dealing , arms dealing , mass murder and are complicit in causing untold suffering ,yet they hold the most respected places in our societies. They observe no moral code when anyone stands in the way of their ambitions yet they set the standards that other people are supposed to live by . I have observed that the moral standards of our society are higher for the poor than for the rich and are brutally enforced upon the poor . The cop who practices martial arts on mental patients and drug addicts in the back of a paddy wagon or the hard working professionals that get their jollies kicking the shit out of some down and out hooker not realizing that she to is someones daughter . Part of the reason for the lies or the head in the sand stance taken by most people is that have never had the chance to notice (being good little slaves ) or do not want to come to terms with what is really going on around them because it threatens the happy little cacoon of denial that protects them from having to comprehend the brutality and dishonesty of our social leaders. Now back to the honesty part , I wonder how I would fare in those positions , human nature being what it is. I digress , I am trying to deal with my own shortcomings and trying too make peace with myself and my maker? , although I hope that I have time to write about my experiences that have enabled me to obseve and come to the conclusions that I have come to , or maybe hypocrisy is just a way of life and I should learn to live or rather die with it. Life is about habits , I wonder why good ones are harder to get into than bad ones. Scince I have no possessions to leave behind I guess all I can give to the people that I care about before I die is some love and respect . I am sure all my shortcomings are no less than most . I mentioned this before , I think that if a person knows that they will be dead soon they should have a pre-wake so that they can say goodbye to everyone and party like it’s the last days of their lves. Coughing up some blood now (oh boy) I guess I will take a bit of a break , I only have a few good hours in the day and it is frustrating as to how little I can accomplish. The earthly part of me wants to spoil my physical self (hard to do when my own body is becoming my enemy , but I still want to) , my spiritaual side (which becomes more prevalent as I approach my death) tells me to contemplate and question.