Sun. Aug. 9/09 Occasionally I have been having violent dreams . 22 days left in my last summer and most of my energy has been consumed with the process of chasing money , my what a pitiful brainwashed creature I am at times , although I would like some loot to enjoy the remaining last 3 weeks of my last summer of my life . I am coughing up blood every morning and after every time I lie down , this means that the main tumor is growing . Fatigue is extreme the pain is bearable , socializing with most people is tiring , I mean most people havn’t grown out of the juvenile me me me stage and some never will , but I guees we are all one and the same that way . There are not to many people that can comfortably socialize with a person at my stage of health . When the fatigue sets in my mental state deteriorates , obviously facing your own death and being constantly in physical distress. When you have cancer you get so fuckin tired of your body sometimes you want to spit nails then later you feel guilty for thinking that way ang give thanks for being able to live another day.