Mon. Aug. 3/09 It is getting way to hard to keep a smile on my face. I am starting to be in the sate of mind where I am failing to understand why people are so afraid of dying; it is natural and sometimes could come as a relief. When one dies I think we expand rather than be drawn into some sort of place. It is a bit of a scary place like you are an electron being freed from the pull from a nucleus of an atom. The place that you go to depends upon yourself not some outside force even if there is an omnipresent force there. Tues. Aug. 4/09 I was thinking about communication , and how on a one at one basis the written word is ineffectual , observation conveys more info than speech and should be paid more attention to. The long hot summer nights are over and I never had the opportunity to be out in some picturesque place around a campfire baring my soul and swapping stories, although I have allways had to spend my serious times alone and am sort of comfortable with that. I believe that I might die alone and am not sure if I am ready for that yet. Is suicide really a sin? Wed. Aug 5/09 I woke up terrified at 2430, after having vivid dreams and in extreme pain. I can allways sense when the cancer is progressing and I think my soul knows that I am going to die soon snd is preparing itself for the journey. As mentioned earlier I get up to watch the sunrise every morning, the following photo is Aug. 4th’s sunrise. I hope some one finds as much enjoyment from it as I did.