Aug.9/09 1350 Coughing up bood more often now. Trying to get into the positive but it keeps getting more difficult. I will finish the J.F. story soon. Mon. Aug. 10/09 First of all alittle about cancer , (I am not whining but documenting) .I wake up every morning exhausted and have to slowly work at and hope that I can find some energy for the day , sometimes the more I rest the more tired I get and there , there is no position of comfort 24/7. I remmember talking to a gentleman and his son at the cancer clinic , well actually just the elderly man with the cancer , we looked in to each others eyes with an understanding that only a cancer patient can understand , the caregivers and oncologists really can not comprehend how one feels . You know how awfull you feel when you have a bad flu , then when you start feeling better you forget about how bad you felt before . Imagine what it is like to feel worse than that 24/7 and you only prospect is that it is going to get worse then you die. The other prospect that I have to look forward to is that when the cancer progresses to my brain one morning I will wake up (maybe) partially or fully paralyzed lying in my own piss and shit . I personally have to draw from some inner strength to face up to each day and still somehow each day is precious .